Pathways of Life...

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Goodbye to 2009...We Leave You Behind

Wow, another year... has come and passed,
With tons of joy and pain; .... all too fast.
Can it be...that a whole year has come and gone,
Can it be...that it has so quickly zapped and flown.

I look at my old calendar... resting upon my desk,
I review the events of the year... oh what a mess.
Each date is posted... tiny notes to remind,
Each with deeper stories....gladly left behind.

Yes, some memories are wonderful... and such a joy.
While others break my heart.... others simply annoy.
I deeply treasure all the good... it brings me great cheer.
I love reading back on the fun things... moments so dear.

But still there were sorrows... some so deep, it hurts to think.
To think of the horror, the pain... that drove me to the brink.
When I screamed out in prayer... yet not a single reply or word.
I listened constantly, faithfully....but little sound was heard.

I watched the horizon...I watched the skies,
I begged for answers...I got no replies,
Yet...deep emotions remained,
Clinging tightly to my Spirit..... my soul retained.

The trials did not fade...they moved right along.
I had cried many tears...but it was time to move on.
My Spirit within, began moving... swishing wildly all about,
I began to realize, I STILL had BLESSINGS....beyond a doubt.

Slowly I moved, slowly was the process.... and each little change.
Slowly I challenged each day...and slowly my life to regain.
Gradually, I accepted the venue... that God placed on this year.
Yes, slowly I began to cherish the good... and erase each tear.

For I learned a long time ago,... my destiny I do not control,
That I just have 'this moment'....and that is my role.
For God hold the 'keys'... to all that comes into my life.
Regardless the joy, the pain...regardless the strife.

So, today, as I look back.... on this past year in time
I am thrilled to 'look forward' ....and leave this one behind. :-D
Again, I hold tight to the joys and treasures, ...each so sweet & dear.
But I've let go of those horrors.... and pray they never re-appear.

But if it IS in God's it sunshine, storms.... or horrific drenching rain
At least I have the experience and I now know... how to start over again
"He Restoreth My Soul"...Guides my path and "He carries me over the stormy sea"
So, I, Thank you, Lord for all your gifts; 2009 vanishes, much to my glee. :-D
Happy New Year, 2010...Let the Good Stuff BEGIN!!
(By: Gloria Helleson, His humbled Child)

May God Bless and bring the greatest of JOY, Health, Successs and Happiness to everyone that I know and love.

"I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord". Psalm 118:17

Friday, December 18, 2009

Christmas Tears...Mingled with Christmas Joy!

Cancer and death at Christmas! Christmas tears...doubles the pain. Christ suffered so shall we.

When you have spent a LIFE time celebrating the Glorious world of Christmas celebrations with the greatest of joy for the awesome American world of massive multicolored lights, dancing candles, radiant evergreens, laughter ringing throughout the air, the homes, at parties, music, music, music filling every crevice, excitement enticing hearts, sweet aromas fill the air, then the plays, pageants, radiant Nativity scenes beaming out the awesome, ancient Story of Christ, down to the lawns covered in portrayals of 'Jolly old Saint Nick' and his prancing reindeer, little green elves and sparkling fairies floating in the air with angels watching over the Christ child-----and suddenly...unmistakeably....DEATH .....walks in.

Life stops! For the moment, Death rules all your world...your kingdom is smashed...your world had vanished! Your brain joins in. Stopped! You cannot move. FROZE. Aimless!

Yet, deep within....comes a tiny voice of whisper..."I am here"

I Corinthians 15:51-55 (my paraphrase)....death: We shall not all sleep...but we shall all be a moment of the twinkling of an eye, at the Last trumpet sound. (death) With that sound, the dead arise...we all will be changed. Death is nature and natural. THEN...we can say "death is SWALLOWED UP .. (gone) by VICTORY (God)---"Oh, death, WHERE is your victory...WHERE is your sting?" (gone-God's erased it)

No more pain! No more worry! No more sorrow! Only Joy! Joy! Joy! Rejoicing...a real Christ-Mass!

This is my tribute to my beloved Brother-in-Law, Nick, and favorite Sister....

I took the picture below one week before he died recently of LUNG CANCER. "Asbestos Poisoning" from one his jobs. On the day of this picture, he was happy, kidding, as best possible...but so weak that I just KNEW that he would not make it through that night. But Thanksgiving was less than a week away and he was determined 'to make it' have that 'last laugh' with his family, his beloved children. And HE DID....but as the oncologist told us in late September when the cancer was found, that he would not live pass December.
He didn't...much to our sorrow.

Nick was very 'accomplished man' by anyone's measures. Born in London, England near Buckingham and like his successful father, who headed the Royal Air Force of Great Britain under the famed Winston Church Hill, my brother-in-law, Nick, also served in the European Royal Air Force of Gr. Britain, became a very accomplished aeronautical engineer as a pilot and in the World Aerobatics Olympics in Budapest/Hungary (speed/tricks/maneuvers). He won the World Pearl Hyde Trophy, and Great Britain's top aerobatic pilot. After winning and receiving a honorary trip to the United States and coming to Central Texas to visit with equally renown pilots, he met and married my sister where he continued to receive numerous honors in his leadership as an engineering instructor, aircraft collector/developer in antique airplane restoration, (his pride & joy was 1919 French Bi-plane), along with building/teaching of experimental air crafts, writing books, for magazines and participating in movies (with Robert Redgrave & others) and air shows all over the world....yet always and ever present was that very dignified, quite and reserved nature with explicit mannerism of royal British etiquette.

And about their "it was love at first sight" thing.... they both told me that neither of them believed that such a thing could happen. But it did....47 years together ....must prove it to be somewhat true. humm. :-D

Yes, death is always so hard to endure...even when you know Heaven is a better place than the junk that takes place down here---tho we love what we got! Nick was a great gentleman of highest of English protocol and good manners....EVEN in death. He set a great example to me in how to TRY to handle the unmanageable stages of death---horrific is a better word, since I am more 'down to earth' ...than his Royal English/British speech patterns.

Nick was an awesomely HANDSOME young man, now he lay humbled, meekly with snow white hair but still very handsome, on his death bed of life, whispering in deep struggles for air, for my coffee. whispering: "Gloria can do it" (I treasure those memories of his last speaking or whispering days, as the ravenous cancer continued to swamp his powerless lungs.) He even tried to joke with me on this we ALL did the same with him, trying to entertain and help him keep his mind off of the issues at hand.
God blessed his weeks of Hospice so very much as he loved his home and had such an awesome view of the world from his gigantic windows and sliding glass doors that displayed a majestic view of the woods, birds, flowers, pets and the radiance of sunshine lathering every area with sparkle. I personally had never paid attention to what an awesome view they encountered daily until Nick was bedridden. Grecian archways, sheer white curtains with touches of light blue drapes, delicate flowers, graceful Grecian statues, white pillar stands with urns of greenery and artistic stepping stones. This particular day the gentle winds seem to wave the small bushes and leaves in musical patterns that seem to mesmerize both me and Nick... as I stood and patted his hand, trying to let him know that we were all there with him and wanting to help ease his devastating weakness. Truly, my sister became a hero as she stood by and tried to handle things that were far beyond her powers, her strength and sometimes wisdom of the moment! Medical pumps, drains, tubes and ports...constant sterilizations: unbelievable world, yet one that many, many dear ones must endure with this horrific disease.

I, so greatly admire her talents and determinations...even though we, like all siblings do not always see things the same-naturally, but I have watched throughout this time with amazement as she gave the best of all that she had to give. She would make up jokes and kid when her eyes spoke more. He tried to respond to her silliness which proved that he was happy. For him this was the perfect way to find his own home....with the last moment.

Yet---like the Bible Scripture above (in Cor. 15)....she ALSO found JOY...and even a wee bit of the last moments prior to the death of her loving husband of 47 years.
(oh where is your nasty sting Mr. Death--forget it---God wins this game!!!!) God's with us.

About 10 minutes BEFORE Nick died....she and their daughter, Alicia, (awesomely beautiful blond model and American Airline hostess for years) decided that "they were going to SING to DADDY''...(to entertain him) And they will be the first to tell you that tho they love to sing that it may NOT be their greatest attributes of life. (My sister, however, is unique in creativity & an awesome artist and writer, tho)

First, my sister, who sings all time--- decided to sing---some of his & her favorites---songs that she sang EVERY evening (prior to Oct. 20th) as they all would go WALKING in the woods or on the little country roads where they live. This was their passion...walking/her singing. So---at Nicks bedside, his last night...she sang and sang. She sang her heart out. "Amazing Grace" "How Great Thou Art", etc. etc. (anything to get through this horror)

Then, daughter, Alicia...grown, but child-like sweetness, heart of gold...loves fairy tales...children books and also loves to sing children songs, ...decided to sing to her dying Daddy...:none other than....the peppy, delightful song of her childhood.... the little...." Teddy Bear Picnic" song. (about the little bear on picnic in the woods)

Sadly however, although they sang their hearts out, trying to entertain Nick---as said, he died only about 10 minutes after they sang to him----

BOTH, my sister and their daughter, Alicia---in greatest of sorrow but also by God's Grace, goodness & wisdom of humor that only He can give....they both humorously decided that "Well, sad to say, we must have killed Daddy with our singing! :-) :-(

(even Nick would have love that one...he had a great sense of humor) :-D

However...The story doesn't really end there ....even tho it was a great 'salve' to help them through their sorrow----to me the best part is below ....and greatest testimony that could ever be given is the 'rest of the story'.

(I am 'back tracking here...bare w/me).....or is it Bear w/me???? :-)
After singing the Teddy Bear song to her dying Daddy....Alicia decided that since her daddy was an airplane pilot (College Professor & World Olympian) that she would PRETEND....a fantasy ride for her Daddy....and soooo, she took Nicks hand and told him that "Well, Daddy, and me are going to TAKE A Ride in an airplane---YOU be the pilot and I am your American Airlines hostess....Now ...are you ready to FLLLLYYYY? You throttle down; now pull that Stick out all the way, Nose up....HERE WE GO now...UP...UP...UP AND AWAY we go.
'Ladies and Gentlemen....We are now at 1,200 feet above sea level, brace yourself but just enjoy the ride.....refreshments will be served momentarily but.....for right now....we are going up, up, higher, higher, higher than ANY of you have ever, ever been. we are above the clouds....oh isn't it beautiful. This is beauty beyond belief. I love it up here with you, Daddy. You are the world's greatest pilot. I am so proud of you. Fly high, Daddy, you are the BEST! Isn't beautiful, Daddy.

Oh, hey, look over there. What it that, Daddy? What is so beautiful over there? What is that? I have never seen anything so beautiful! What is it, Daddy, What is it? Can you tell? Can you see it? Look Daddy! It's so pretty!
The clouds are so pretty around it..the colors are so beautiful..Daddy, can you see, Daddy...oh my....Daddy, I think it must be Heaven! (soft voice..) yes, Daddy, it IS awesomely beautiful........OOOOH, Daadddy.

Then giving a long, long silent pause:......she changed voices to a very STRONG STEWARD ALERT, emergency "I'm in control" voice level...."Oh, I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, we had to make a small detour here----yes, that was a beautiful tour of heaven but...we must return to earth----(pause)....we are now coming back down to earth.
"WE are now ENTERING DFW air entering DFW airport,.... hook your seat belts, stay IN YOUR Seats and.... BRACE for the world's smoothest landing---my Daddy's flying this airplane!"

Then with a chuckle.... in her regular voice...."oooops, I am so sorry Ladies and Gentlemen...there has been another change and unexpected seems that "President GEORGE W. BUSH has priority" landing and will be landing before us. Sorry for the delay!"

She laughs...(not knowing just HOW to get out of this fantasy flight to Heaven) she chuckles again and begins...making sounds like the airplane is going around and around in circles above DFW....and watches her Daddy's sweetest reactions....

*****Nick Pocock smiled his last little smile for his beloved daughter Alicia...
ten minutes later he entered the Real gates of Heaven....

Christmas tears....also bring Christmas JOYS! Merry Christmas, for He is the Reason for the Season

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Beautiful Autumn...Bear Facts of Joy & Wisdom...

Autumn is here!!!

As I daily live in the 'Autumn years of my life' becomes even more beautiful day by day. In my younger years, I loved the beauty and freshness of the awesome Spring air...and still do..... But then, I was born in the summer, so I always felt THAT season was the special one for me. ha ha ;-)

I equally enjoy that 'first snowflake of Winter'. Throughout the years I have loved to telephone my mother-in-law in the MIDDLE of the night...ouch...(she loved Winter best of all) tell her 'guess what, it's SNOWING'. She would die laughing and let out a big cheer---that freaked her hubby straight up out of the bed. He later would enjoy 'giving me a playful 'tongue lashing'...ha ha They loved our little game of the 'first winter snowflake'. (Their true Winter of life finally came and they now get to enjoy every aspect of God's creative beauties of Heaven.)

But Autumn, to me is a special time to God in total "Thanksgiving' of our hearts for all the many blessings that He has placed in my life...from my awesome childhood on the wide open plains of prairie and woodlands, rivers, valleys, lakes & creeks, all laden in wildflowers, meadows of grasses, with animals, varments, even vile creatures to beware of. ;-( Most assuredly...His Angels watched over constantly... with all the rattlesnakes, copperheads and coral snakes everywhere that I trod as a child....not to mention all the 'foolish stunts' of our childhood adventures...
Then, so dear to me were the amazing world of beautiful horses, cattle, sheep, tons of cats and dogs that loved me beyond measure ....all this encircled by dear loving parents, strict-yes, but with greatest of wisdom and a baseball team of siblings who made me 'Queen' because I was blessed to be the 'baby' of the family. That choice was God's....but oh what a joy! I humbly am grateful. I am different. I am blessed.
Again as a teenager...though the world had massive pain and world & years were so blessed. I quickly learned Compassion for others. I had the most awesome years of honors, accomplishments, fun, awesome memories and met the 'love of my life'....whom others advised me to turn another direction. But God again...had THEE plan. Now 51 years could I ever, ever NOT see God's hand upon my life. Yes, there has been TONS of water to flow beneath the BRIDGES of my life....and toooo many rickety, rackety old rusty bridges that I HAD to treaded treturously across---but with God's angel's around me....I made it to the other side, time and time again. There were more times than I wish to count ...that I thought that I was alone on that rocky road...many times I cried or screamed out in pain, suffering and brokenness, defeated and yet ....determined----because He was with me....holding me....guiding me...when the tears fell... beyond all control; when suffering and confusion filled every portion of my body and pain intermingled with my blurred carnal vision..., He became my future!

So. once again, here I am, joyfully lathered in my favorite time of the year....Autumn...with it's most colorful leaves that fall to the earth to remind us that 'life is short'...that we all will fall to the earth...our banners of colors will fall and fade away....but GOD lovingly GIVES US, we shout "wooohooo, I'm alive". I can laugh, I can cry, I have a choice. God gives the freedom of choice; how wonderful is that? Today, across this vast earth, so many dear sweet people HAVE to live in bondage in greatest of tortureous pain and sufferings, without ANY freedoms, facing horrors beyond ANY of our American imaginations. Yet, here we a Nation....(even as bad as things are right now in our country...and they are) ...compared to THEM and our past.....we are STILL so very, very triumphant. Again, it's GOD'S CHOICE!!!

His Gift. Praise His Holy Name, Grace and Gifts!

Obviously, no one hold the KEYS or knows what the future brings except God...but He plainly tells us to ENJOY every day...renewed each morning. So, on this beautiful Autumn day of sunshine, soft breeze and leaves floating through the air, the smell of fresh plowed fields near my home, I humbly and joyful celebrate Life...this day....this breath ...with a voice of total Godly THANKSGIVING! And....I am Wishing YOU the same!!!


Below is a cute Autumn Blessings of Reminders ....simply meant to help make our days better and brighter. I hope that you enjoy! May you Be Blessed and have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

H A P P Y... A U T U M N
(The 7 Ups---for a Beary happy life)!

1. Wake Up !!
Decide to have a good day.'

This is the day the Lord hath made;let us rejoice and be glad in it.' Psalms 118:24

2. Dress Up !!The best way to dress up is to put on a smile.A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. (the smile turns the frown up-side-down)

'The Lord does not look at the things like man looks... as Man looks at outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.'I Samuel 16:7

3. !!Shut Up (ouch)....Say nice things and learn to listen.God gave us two ears and one mouth,so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking.

'He who guards his lips guards his soul..' Proverbs 13:3

4. Stand Up!!
. . . for what you believe in.Stand for something or you will fall for anything.

'Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time,we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good...'Galatians 6: 9-10

5. Look Up !! . to the Lord.'I can do everything through Christ

who strengthens me'. Philippians 4:13

6. Reach Up !!. . for something higher.'Trust in the Lord with all your heart,and lean not unto your own understanding.In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.' Proverbs 3:5-6

7. Lift Up !!. . your Prayers. 'Do not worry about anything; instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING.'Philippians 4:6

God answers all His time....His way....

and He loves Knee Mails. :-)

Friday, September 11, 2009

Remembering.....9 1 1

May we all HUMBLY remember ALL who suffered and died, as well as those who STILL Live , daily, moment by moment....with the suffering.... pain..... and RESULTS of this great UN-NECESSARY EVIL.... and .....SORROW!
May we lift our praise to God for helping us through the horrors and awakening of 911....and with faith and confidence continue to pray from the depths of our hearts for this GREATEST of NATIONS (that HE created), along with prayers for every soldiers, groups and individual person who works daily to PROTECT us from enemy forces of terrorist plots to destroy innocent lives and moral values.
Each day in the shadows of secrecy they make their horrendous evil plans and ploys to steal, kill and destroy us---yet also---behind the scene and media ....we have awesome people who 'lay down their lives' (in secret services & as soldiers) to PREVENT these evil deeds & events.
Today, in gratitude, I want to praise and thank God...but also to thank all those secret warriors of good....(including one in our own family).... WHO PROTECT and have secretly prevented terrorist plots from completing MORE of their evil deeds of.... bombing, burning, poisonings and infiltrations of government, transportation and medical centers. THESE are the people....who are today's heroes....and those who names will seldom be 'in the media' or will ever be honored publicly. Naturally they can't be....or their loved ones would face horrific situations. So, on this 911 of 2009, I humbly bow down...kneel on my knees as best possible to pray for ALL the above. YOU are our Heroes. May God bless you!

Wow, 11 ft. Rattlesnake, Odessa, Texas

And I was griping in my previous blog about 2 little 5 ft. chicken snakes HIDES in the tree above us!!!

Holy Toledo---this eleven foot rattlesnake was found and killed last Friday at 3rd and Knoxx Street the city of Odessa, Texas! My favorite Aunt lived not far from this on 10th street---with her oil well in their back yard.

(but wow....this thing looks more like a Boa Constrictor) How could something so big....get by all the growth years and not be found....especially inside a city the size of Odessa---which is NOT small.

Mercy---I was RAISED with tons of Rattlesnakes believe me! We thought that we had one of the largest was 8 ft. 2 inches...and my brother & brother-n-law killed it & split it open...because it had a huge hump in it's belly....only to find a full grown gigantic Jack perfect condition but dead.

As children on a ranch we were taught from birth forward to 'watch out for snakes'...every blade of grass or rock held deadly danger. Our ranch had all 4 venomous snakes of Texas, copperheads and water moccasin's at the rivers. earth tanks and creek bottoms, deadly Coral snakes-occasionally and the rattlers were the pastures, barns, sheds and beneath our house and in your yards many, many times----including under the steps when my hubby...then boyfriend started to 'kiss me goodnight'....and zzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzz came the resounding but familiar noise of deadly FEAR...and his huge 6 ft 3 inch teenage body JUMPED back about 10 feet into the air screaming.

My Parents were asleep at the midnight hour---but KNEW instantly WHAT was happening. My boyfriend was either BITTEN or 'had totally taken flight' in fear!!! lol
He was basically a 'city boy' and had NEVER even been around snakes. Period.

My precious MOM--TO THE RESCUE---the old shotgun behind the door at midnight...with a flashlight...took care of that issue immediately. One dead 6 foot rattlesnake gone! And one City boy returned home with wet pants---and a story to 'tell all his friends' forever. ha ha And he still

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Mercy, Summer 2009--What Happened?

Help me somebody! Somehow I WISH that I had been RIP VAN WINKLE and SLEPT through this past 3 months!

Or maybe I did...I feel so confused....maybe this has all been a bad dream! PLEASE, tell me that it really was a dream. :-D

Surely we DIDN'T break all WEATHER records in history....WITH HORRIBLE temperatures OVER 100 degrees for almost 60 days of one summer!!!

Surely I didn't go through the greatest pain of my life....physical and mental!!!

Surely all of our earth is not drying up for the lack of rain!!! All our plants, grain, trees and animals....and food supply is not dying away.

Surely Americans are NOT out of work by the millions, including my loved ones with college degrees!!!

Surely I didn't spend 2 weeks in the hospital having my legs cut off and replaced them with man made artificial implements that 'pop out" of socket often with great pain.

Surely BOTH hubby and I didn't BOTH fall flat on our faces...have horrible pains with these 2 sets of artificial knees!!! Surely the blood & scabs are not ours!!!

Surely after a lifetime of WORKING my tail off and 'paying my dues' from every paycheck that our new President will not succeed in destroying my retirement income that I WORKED FOR well as my retirement Health care coverage...for my many health problems culminating from WORKING my tail off all these years!!!

Surely always....I will be wise enough and strong enough in FAITH to keep my eyes on my Savior...and USE that great 'SENSE OF HUMOR' that he so generously gave help me, my family and friends to OVERCOME....SURELY!!! Please, Lord, SURELY>

Well, how's that for a negative introduction...ha ha...and's all TOO DARN TRUE!!! This summer has 'come and gone' and although I am excited and feeling better about the upcoming season change---praise God---buuut, I, like many others....still have 'Summer hang over pains' and I don't even drink. I still feel in a deep daze at ALL that has come 'down the pike' this summer---which is USUALLY my most appreciative, restful time of the year. This year COULDN'T be further FROM that!!!

So, with determined faith, today, I have chosen to honor the BLESSINGS of this Summer of 2009 with photos and try to close.....or at least....ease the door shut on the bad.

However, I SHOULD HAVE caught onto the very 1st clue early....that THIS was going to be a tough summer. Naturally, first the double knee surgery on a body of a diabetic and cancer patient----CERTAINLY couldn't be all good. ha ha...2 surgeries @ once!!!

But...then one day, after surgery & trying to get OVER the mess..... hubby and I had been sitting leisurely out in our back yard beneath our favorite shade tree, drinking nice cool soda's in the refreshing summer was sooo wonderful!

Well, we eventually go back into the house for a few minutes....only to RETURN a few minutes later to our shady spot and relaxing lawn chairs ...beneath our backyard shade tree...ONLY to find the following:

Yes....this is, none other....than a SNAKE SKIN. NOT one....BUT...TWO of them, about 4 to 5 feet long...hanging ABOVE....exactly where we were just sitting under the tree!

Now we have not even SEEN a snake of ANY KIND on our hillside in probably 15 years...and only about 3 prior to that in all of 42 years----and NOW two of them...side by side...IN a tree...over our heads while we sip sodas! YIKES! My family knows that I am not a lover of snakes...although I wisely know that God created them to HELP w/rodents. but yuk...

Anyway...this HAD to be a BIG OMEN....and it SHOULD have been my CLUE # 2....that Summer 2009 was BOUND to be trying! AND IT WAS....and some still is!!!

=======But life goes on.......OR ....IT GOES OFF.....=====

WELL---BY CHOICE....I choose to honor good, THESE are some of the GOOD things that took place this summer that I loved...and things that I plan to TRY to remember in the years ahead as I look back upon 2009. ha I said 'try' . :-D


Below: My beloved 'high school Sweetheart" actually turned 70 years old on July 4th! I can barely believe it...if for the fact that I am not but one year behind him!!! My awesome Jock of great high school physical 70 yrs. old! Where did time go? I'm still a cheerleader (ha) and he still is the guy with the 'hottest car' in centex! Oh, No, is it not true...can it be...that we are BOTH using BLUE HANDICAPPED STICKERS, canes & walkers? Our hair has turned grey or loose and what used to 'shake' now cracks, moans & groans! All the body parts that used to be...upright and sharp to military hang down to welcome the grave. Yikes. oh....aaarrrrgggg!

(of course, I could barely stand or the usual 'Family July 4th Celebration' for his birthday was never meant to be for his... Big 7-0 .... but with became just that---a neat blessing, as our daughter went all out and prepared/decorated their home in his honor.

Yummy, yummy chocolate cake w/o calories...ha ha....(Wilton's Crisco butter frosting...yeah right!!!) Just what chubbetts need. ha ha Yummmy good tho....wish I had some now...

Hubby's favorite Barbecue with all the trimmings....and darling July 4th decorations to the max!
Thank God for daughters and sons!

----------------then, after birthday... we get a surprise------

Our neighbor's SURPRISE PACKAGE!

Shortly after Jim's Saturday afternoon, I heard a ruckus coming from our usually quiet neighbors. Excited voices and squeals came flowing across the back pastures and yards. I just figured that they were having a 'cook out' with friends, etc. A couple of hours later we go out
our back driveway....and THIS was what our excitement was all about!

THEY had no clue that their donkey....only 3 feet tall....HAD MARRIED...their Jenny mule...which is about 5 & half feet tall---- AND THEY HAD A BABY DONKEY! (isn't he darling?)

(these two animals have been together for about 5 years and He TRIED to be Poppa constantly but it was always IMPOSSIBLE----(well, so we ALL thought...ha ha and even made jokes about it) HOWEVER...That was not the case. We now have the CUTEST EVER.... little black donkey---who NOW runs and bucks all over the pasture chasing 2 little kids----around the lake....over the dam...after the geese and ducks. run, run, run... They are so darn cute. But WHATASURPRISE. WE ALL LOVE watching them play !

====then another great blessing of this summer that I have to mention=======

Everybody Needs a close Sibling...

This is mine! My Sister...Sookey (nickname for Alvena). She's not just my sister but my confidant===but even with some of the horrors of this summer 09, ---I still could not bring myself to confide all the pains. She called constantly to check on me, bought by foods, treats, gifts & surprises and has always said that because she was 11 years old when I was born that God sent me to her and that I was REALLY her little baby when she needed it most with a ton of brothers always around.
(her husband, Nick, a World Olympics Aero-acrobatic pilot winner, and career as a College Technology Professor now sadly has Parkinson disease and is barely able to stand and walk.) My sister and I are TOTALLY different but get along well. I'm extrovert & I love working with other people & know that's my calling if God has one for me. Yet she, an introvert/private person has dedicated her life to taking 'good care of herself' always exercises, doing any/all things to keep up her body---and thus, I have to shout hooray for her...would you ever, ever guess that she is about to turn 80 years old in 3 months!!! She looks awesome for 80!!! (PS....he is 3 years younger than she is....would you have guessed it?)


Happy Birthday TO ME!!!

(now....ha ha....I often FEEL that I am ....80 years old....HA HA)
BUT...God is so good! After all....HE created puppies and kittens!......and 'little black donkeys"...haha
Yes, this is 'Smokey' our new little orphan kitten and this is a ton of his paper wads that he loves to play with. Yes...this is MY GIFT to ME....from me ha ha----two little wafe kittens that are so doggone cute! (however at times now....I sometimes want to GIVE away my gifts. ha ha Not really)

This is Smokey & Flossy, who NEVER stop playing, running or romping all over the house.
Their Mommy was accidentally killed and they nearly starved to death before humans found them. They now are getting fat & sassy here at Helleson's hillside, and naturally spoiled rotten! Pests is a better word!

But seriously, they have made us ROAR in laughter every day and night since they arrived. They love to show well as show their appreciation for our saving their lives by purring constantly and crawling upon our laps....and near our face to cuddle while we watch TV. Yes, our God is good to give us 'little JOYS' during troubles, trials, pains and problems. All realms of Mother Nature whispers out His healing grace, His encouragement, His love. These 2 fuzzy friends fill the bill for us---well almost...ha ha. (how about those innocent little eyes?) And yes, our big tomcat....BC....has comes to endure 'the children'. ha ha But HE always RULES 1st.ha
**************** then THE FROSTING on my Birthday CAKE of LIFE****************
The wonderful song..."Happy Birthday to You", Happy birthday to You, Happy Birthday DEAR GRANDMA....Happy Birthday to you!!! Sung and performed by ALL of your Grandchildren! Can it get any better that than! Nope!!!

It was so neat to have them all telephone and SING their version of the birthday song TO ME! (Thank you parents!) :-D

Then just a few days after my was SCHOOL TIME!
ALL the grandkids are officially 'in school' this year! Wow. How great is that!

Also ....much to the dismay of one set of parents....their 3 kiddoes....all GOT UP AT 3 O'CLOCK in the dressed...went to parents ROLL them out of bed about 4 hours early....'because THEY wanted to get to school early". ha hahaha. (bet that will not happen THEIR own choice...or their parents. So funny!

The other grandchild....1st grader...drove parents crazy the day/night before in excitement....then at school the next morning....IN PACKED HALLWAYS of parents and kids all trying to find new rooms/classes---as weeeee little voice squeaks up to Mommy, as she is GRASPING her hand in fright, "Mommy, I don't think I wanna be in first grade anymore".....

It is scary (I can even REMEMBER my own first day---first grade---no longer QUEEN of my house-scared to death of all those freaky kids that I'd never seen before!) However...once THIS little Princess got in the classroom....saw one or two of her friends....then: "you can go away now Mommy and don't take any of those pictures of me!" ha hahaha (how she's a BIG girl!) We absolutely loved both stories on our grandkids first day of school!
Well, that about 1/2 covers the Summer of 2009....the rest is too deep. There are some things that just need to be held close and talk to our REAL Daddy, who SEES and KNOWS all.

And through that venue.... one thing is for sure HE has MADE a miracle of etc......numerous times...numerous ways....for numerous reasons----and He will He promised...for me and all who in faith believe and follows as best possible. Through Him all Grace is given....and All THINGS are possible!

Sometimes, tho, I, like most, find myself in the pains of life, and as people, we can't hear or see the great things that Nature has all around us that help us handle all the junk--like little fluffy kittens, little black donkeys and even gigantic long-horn cows (hummm) ha ha--but maybe sometimes if we could just be still & listen with our heart----( instead of our worn out ears or our tired brain cells) ---we really might be able to hear that soft voice ECHO back to us, of His whispering our name: the voice of our Shepherd....because I certainly FEEL like a lost sheep at times in the mire messes of life.

(Lord, help me turn off the world's noise button and hear only YOU)

After all the holidays are just around the corner, exciting, hope is sneaking in the crevices, here and there----and....Thanksgiving is a daily things...even when we turkeys gobble constantly about our fears/troubles---of which I'm probably president of the club and I really don't even want to be a member. ha ha :-D I just don't have any other answers ...but HIM!

As the saying goes....Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery--- and today is God's gift to us! We are still blessed as a the greatest of well as individuals. Truly....More Good Stuff is on the way!

Yes, I can now treasure the goodness of the Summer of 2009.
I know... this too shall pass and Change IS coming. I am excited.
Be safe... Be blest!

Left: Kori, Josh
& Matthew

Right: Zoe Noel

First Day of School Excitement!

Hooray for children,
their parents,
our Nation & most of all our Lord!!!

Friday, September 4, 2009

Happy Birthday, Jana

Happy Birthday, my child,
From infancy to motherhood, a million joys along the way...
A constant reminder of God our Creator, His awesome love,
His gifts & blessings---makes this a Happy Birth-day!

Your Name, JANA, was originally Hebrew....
it was taken from the Biblical name of Hannah.
Centuries later the name was adopted by the European Slavic's to Janna, then English to Jana!

It's original meaning:

"God is Gracious"

She finds the courage when it counts most...
Her style is unique and stunning,
She has a keen memory for important things,
She treats her family tenderly,
Jana believes in being fair and impartial,
She's admired for her carefree adventure,
She has an unusual ability to persuade.


Autumn 1975, age 5 and Mom 35, headed for the
"Heart of Texas Fair" where Mom was on the
Executive Board of Directors for 11 years. We had such fun times throughout the years...but the "My Fair Ladies" were very special. Jana modeled on stage numerous times at the age of 3 through age six when she started to school. Her cutest was as an Egyptian dancer in bright red little girl pajamas---she got a standing ovation from the crowd.
(the attire was for the Bicentennial celebration of our Nation)

We often dressed alike as Mom & daughter, as was popular during that period of time....and lots of fun!

Have a Happy Birthday, everyday, Jana!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Past Miracles and Present Inspirations

I am recovering....slowly. I am happy. I am blessed....yet, like everyone, I get 'down'...then get mad at myself for 'going there'. ha ha I just had my 69th birthday which was one of the best! Many surprises and unexpected JOYS/BLESSINGS...coming from many unexpected directions. Frankly, after all the medical messes of recent years....I am just surprised to still be alive. ha ha

But this morning after our daughter, hubby & granddaughter left after spending the night and taking us to an awesome dinner....the house now seems so quiet and empty. I tried reading--enjoyable. I tried updating calendars and events--pleasant. Tried to use pets by hugs and cuddly talks...they were all SLEEPY. ha ha

It's too early to 'call someone to cheer up'.....that would likely make most of my chose NOT to be my friends. ha ha I reviewed old yearbooks...then an album and buried in all that until my eyes were blurry and my back/neck/arms ached. (have you ever done this?)
THEN while reading from some of my old collections---most of which I had totally forgotten about or even remembered writing----I came across something that INSPIRED and encourage my heart to hit my blog---in hopes that the following little story of truth might possible 'give HOPE' to some one who is hopeless or feeling down.

I guess everyone has read the often printed lists....about Thomas Edison having 1000's of FAILURES....even tho he was one of the greatest of Inventors Ever. Then were the lists about PRESIDENT ABRAHAM LINCOLN 'S gigantic list of failures to political offices and businesses---yet he became one of GREATEST presidents of the greatest nation on earth!

Well, in my collection---that I had forgotten---is the neatest Abe Lincoln archived story. I love it and it has once again....blessed me with inspirational smiles & joy.

As a young man, Abe Lincoln went into business with a friend. They opened up a little store. IT FAILED!

Very sadly they were forced to close their doors. Deeply disappointed with life, Abe told his dear friend, "you know, IF I could have a WISH today.... I would like to study LAW and I wish I had a copy of the "Lawyers Black Book of Laws" but guess it's not meant to be....because I don't have the money...all I have is 50 cents to my name."

The two men continued working in the store; cleaning, stacking, storing items and a few hours later an older couple came down the street in their wagon which was loaded with their kids, all looking very sad, worried. very tattered and forlorn.
They pulled their wagon up to the front of the store. The man timidly told Abe and his friend that they had no food and that the kids were starving and 'all he had to sell for money to buy food was an old wooden barrel' that was sitting on the back of the wagon.

The man asked Abe and his friend if they could possibly buy the barrel so his children could have food to eat. The two men then looked at the barrel. It was very old, weather worn, ragged and the rusty rings nearly gone---couldn't be of much use because it couldn't hold grain or water. But Abe was suddenly filled with pity and compassion for this starving family ....even tho he only had 50 cents in his pocket.

As he later told....this was his total worth at that moment was 50 cents but his heart couldn't let this family suffer any longer. So, actually sort of embarrassed, he asked the man if he would sell the barrel for 50 cents? Joyfully, the man jumped down from his wagon ....ran over and shook Abe's hand, saying, 'Oh, yes, sir, yes, sir...that would be wonderful, anything...just so my children can eat. Thank you, kind sir!"

Quickly Abe paid the man his last 50 cents for the old rusty barrel.
Very carefully, Abe slid the old rickety barrel off of the back of the old wagon....and then rolled it over to the side of their little store. He stood it 'up right' and heard a noise from deep inside the barrel of something sliding back and forth. He quickly looked inside. Deep within the walls of the rickety old barrel, Abe Lincoln found a copy of "Lawyers Black Book of Laws". (the lawyers training book of the 1800's)...a special blessing from God.

This little book eventually led Abraham Lincoln to become one of our greatest Statesmen and the President of the United States!

Moral: always 'go with your heart--- in helping and consoling others...regardless your own circumstances....many are worse off than you ---and you will never be able to 'out give God's gifts and miracles or figure out his mysteries."
And regardless whether our Wagon is loaded or empty, it all depends upon our perspective. His ways are not ours...and yet He is always there for us...our job is to 'Hang on for the long haul'. Be happy. May your wagon always be blessed!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

How do you say, Humbled & Grateful....

With tons of hugs.... & praises to our Lord, to family and doctors, nurses, techs, science, medicine, hospitals, labs, scientists & inventors----all who had a part in my recovery.

Yes, I am thriving well. (didn't say without pain...ha ha....but doing very well...considering all that has been going on in my life to this point.) Six weeks and I have walked steps alone very guardedly through the house/patio, driven a very short distance...but with great wisdom and guidance still use walker or cane until each of these new knees CHOOSE to stop 'going opposite directions' occasionally. That's a FREAKY feeling, believe me! I practice all therapy constantly trying to 'do my best' and make this all worth while. I ALREADY have more energy/strength than I did before---and that is a miracle--one that I certainly never expected and a MOST WELCOMED surprised!

I have always loved my home, retirement years...but never so after two weeks in the hospital with awful pain/wonderful people....

Between a wonderful husband--- and our daughter/granddaughter who came and stayed a week to help me RE-learn to stand...walk/motivate...I am humbled to the MAX.

(just in in case ANY independent, self-reliant woman has never been totally HELPLESS---believe me---there is nothing on earth so devastating to your mind. I am very sure that IT IS GOOD FOR US to be so humbled...but again...there is NO experience like it in life. Yet I have to say "I now am glad that I had the experience because beforehand...I FELT that I sort of knew the impact and compassion for...and of....other people who were helpless/down---but I learned that ---I really wasn't even close!!!

ONLY God and tears cling close constantly....and then inside our human brain --well, that won't shut up!!! pained thinking as well as body!

I learned WHY ....little people in the nursing home 'bob' their heads so much...instead of speaking. They CAN'T. They hurt too much, too deep!!! Their brains are still churning tho....

But HOOOray, and again I say hooray. Home Sweet Home....I am SO GLAD TO BE HOME! I was so welcomed BIG FAT TOMCAT (named BC---because as a kitten he was such a little pest that we couldn't decide if he was a 'blessing or a curse'....ha ha, so for short, we named him BC----

well, he was STILL laying on my computer---when I returned home....where he loves to stay with me. As an aging tomcat tho---as most of you know... he loves to 'just FLOP' and snooze. He has barely left my side now that I am home. ha ha ....nice feeling of dedication---a soft, fuzzy, fluffy sweetie now.

The wild redbirds were still eating bird food outside on my window sill. this is something I have always loved. Mr & Mrs. Redbird couples will 'bill n coo'....kiss and feed each other, so beautifully. It's amazing to watch God's nature. Then we have the cotton tail rabbits who were still eating feed and grass in the early morning sunrise...just outside my bedroom window with all the other jillion song birds singing to greet me back home. Wow...Again, its so wonderful to be be have be... healing.

I Shall Walk again....all praise to Thee Giver of good & perfect gifts!!! Our Lord!

I THANK YOU ALL from the very bottom of my heart. May you be blessed a 100 fold as well. His child, Gloria

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Feeling small & insignificant.....

Facing double surgery tomorrow morning---yes, this is how I feel.

Yet, His Holy Spirit inside of me, rebounds and rebels...and 'all that I am' speaks in whispers to my heart.... to my brain.

I am HIS child....HE will not forsake me...He never has. We converse constantly---so why do I feel so much like a little grain of sand being crushed by the gigantic ocean waves of the tremendous raging seas before me?

Well finally (humm), my Father, whispers to me..."that's normal''...."that's why I am here!"
"I Do test your faith in Me----and just as it is written in Isaiah 41:10, thousands of years ago---I still ask that you......'Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed for I am thy God' I will strengthen you; yes, I will help you; yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness."

****My moment of truth has come---surgery time. In child like faith...with a deep feeling of humility, intimidation and insignificance---Because He lives----I can/will CHOOSE to cling to His promises to get me through this horror. I do not take lightly that He chose awesome people to build careers around medical restoration and research that brings HOPE to hurting people everywhere. ......"to ME! Tomorrow---I test their skills.

Today, I lean on Him---- He is thee Creator & Giver of all good and perfect gifts.

The following verses WASH over THIS 'grain of sand' (me) and sends courage.... to handle the deep waters of a thousand emotions, through the darkness of this night, this hour and moment in time. And forever--- for each of us who believe. Some people have Favorite verses...which is super...but I have found that there are SO many that FILL the voids and situations in my life...that it's really hard to choose a constant favorite. Today's need...brings to mind a certain Scriptures---tomorrows needs bring forth another. these are my RIGHT NOW verses. ha ha---Help, Lord!!!!

Hebrews 13:6 The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm---I will not fear, or dread or be terrified!

Luke 12:32 Do not be seized with alarm and struck with fear, my child, for it is God's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.

Also....FEAR is the beginning of WISDOM. (yes, Lord, I am trying to learn fast!)

Psalms 23 (my first memorized verses as a child in Vacation Bible School) constantly rings in my heart and my soul. For He IS my Savior...Salutation.

The Lord is my Shepherd.......I shall not want....

May we all, as His aimless sheep, constantly seek His voice in our Wilderness walk through Life. If it be His will...I will return to this blog in about 3 weeks. May You continue to be blessed.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

"Fear Not!"..... or.....Fear a Lot??? ha ha

Our Bible tells us all, very plainly.... in the Old and the New Testament....365 times (one for each day of the year)----to .....FEAR NOT!

And the words apply very well for me...about death that is....I don't fear it....I just fear the PROCESS of GETTING THERE! (can you identify...hummm?) :-D
I just don't want any part of----Pain, suffering and mind boggling FEAR!
Please, Lord, forgive me for being Mortal!
Fear not........nope......I FEAR A LOT!!!

When a person is hurting CAN have comfort in KNOWING that our God is there with you---but it doesn't always remove the pain. It does not remove death. We all die. We all will go through some suffering, some more than others.

Today---I fear not death----I fear life!

Today---I prepare my mindset for MORE new surgery! Very, Very Painful surgery that I have already WITNESSED to the very fullest of pain and suffering to a very HEALTHY person, my hubby. Four years ago he had BOTH of his knees replaced at the same time! A medical improbability for his size and age. A medical miracle because of God's science, medicines and His awesome COVERING via awesome prayer partners. this process...I witnessed a giant man shook in RIGORS with pain and suffering as he awoke from surgery---six days unable to STAND. This giant of man, muscles taunt, shriveled up like a little mouse in pain, shaking from head to foot---with pain. Later that second evening, I watched with a frozen heart, petrifide in fear as both of this mans legs SPRAYED his hospital room BLOOD RED. Yes, spraying like a lawn sprayer. All STAT floor call went out for our room---the head on-call doctor ran in our door....sees the scene----TURNS GREEN---runs down the hall.

Thinking back---its somewhat funny---at the time, HORRIFIC! That handsome young doctor was one scared/shocked young man! But we had an AWESOME set of very experienced nursing staff that immediately TOOK charge as best possible.

Equally important to say....just outside the door of our room was some of dearest friends from our church that had stopped by 'just to check on us"...she step to the door...saw what was happening...because the room was chaos and RED---I motioned for her to use her cell phone & start a SPECIAL EMERGENCY PRAYER CHAIN for Jim . We do this constantly---just never thought it would be ME asking for the prayer chain! Within seconds....our church, the Waco Baptist Association of Churches and my Baylor Sr. Choir prayer chains were praying. Thank God....Praise God for the 'Power of Prayer!!!".

And...As the Doctors later stated----'we don 't know WHY the bleeding STARTED....but we have to admit we DO KNOW WHY it stopped....and it wasn't a medical miracle...there was a GREATER Source for this one!
Now when doctors say things like that----it's mighty neat & emphatically true!

Prayers were answered, the bleeding finally stopped----transfusions were then begun, horrible hallucinations began and hubby became mentally confused/fighting tubes/equipment---scared and hurting. I HAD to stand holding his arms---holding his transfusion tubes from 7:30 pm until 4 AM because he was delirious. At midnight, the sweet nurse kept checking and worrying about me standing constantly with the tubes---but if I didn't hold them---he would JERK them out and stop his own new blood replacement that was so greatly needed. Anyway, around midnight the nurse decided to TRY to speed up his transfusion. It worked ok until about 1:30 when he went into cardiac arrest due to the blood coming in too fast for the heart to manage. Then...another All Stat call went out for our room. Again, God was there. His people were there.

Yes, praise God for His miracles/touch/medicines and awesome servants, my hubby finally stood 6 days later and walked 30 steps of VICTORY... after completing 2 different rehabs...he/we received a NEW LIFE.... NEW HEALTH. We have been soooo blessed! Our God and His people are so good!

BUUUUUT-----where does that leave me today----as now I AM FACING THAT SAME SURGERY ON MAY 20TH. Scared silly. He was in greatest health. I am still battling cancer. trials..(twice over) and last one was stage 5 (death sentence)---but God gave me LIFE...via prayer warriors. Today, I have tons of left over health problems, heavy drugs, broken immune system from hospital staff infection that nearly took my life...diabetes, occasional dizziness/damage from having a chemical filled balloon placed inside my body for 8 days followed by having 6 months of radiation treatments done in 5 days ,,,of 2 & 3 treatments per day--12 MRI's of more lengthy radiation--prior to each treatment--to see how my heart and the rest of my body was reacting to the experimental treatments. Not to mention a total of 8 cutting surgeries for the two cancers. (one cutting Before the Novocain had taken effect. arrrg!) Add on a minor ...ha ha.... Sleep Apnea that requires a breathing c-pap machine when the heart stops beating from no oxygen. etc,etc. etc. yatta yatta---- :-D

So, am I really all that sinful....if I honestly say----'YES, I FEAR! .....

Again---death is not a problem-----IF my Lord has a 'Heavenly CRUISE ready to sail across that ocean of blue-----believe me----my bags are already packed. I worry for my beloved hubby.
But for the pain ahead of me----I just need prayer partners, friends and family to PRAY for my PAIN and fears, recovery, success and strength. (my hubby ONLY had the fear of the unknown---I have that fear PLUS the fear of WHAT I HAVE ALREADY SEEN/I KNOW from watching him go through it (ha ha... ) ...can ya see I'm TRYING to have a good sense of humor here??? ha

So, again, if you have PRAYER CHAINS....please, would you be so kind and add my name to that listing. I thank you most humbly for all of your past prayers ....(that remains to be the very reason that I AM still ALIVE TODAY). I am humbled and I am grateful, I thank you!So...Lord....Here we go again---"I need THEE every hour....every hour I need Thee".