Pathways of Life...

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Goodbye to 2009...We Leave You Behind

Wow, another year... has come and passed,
With tons of joy and pain; .... all too fast.
Can it be...that a whole year has come and gone,
Can it be...that it has so quickly zapped and flown.

I look at my old calendar... resting upon my desk,
I review the events of the year... oh what a mess.
Each date is posted... tiny notes to remind,
Each with deeper stories....gladly left behind.

Yes, some memories are wonderful... and such a joy.
While others break my heart.... others simply annoy.
I deeply treasure all the good... it brings me great cheer.
I love reading back on the fun things... moments so dear.

But still there were sorrows... some so deep, it hurts to think.
To think of the horror, the pain... that drove me to the brink.
When I screamed out in prayer... yet not a single reply or word.
I listened constantly, faithfully....but little sound was heard.

I watched the horizon...I watched the skies,
I begged for answers...I got no replies,
Yet...deep emotions remained,
Clinging tightly to my Spirit..... my soul retained.

The trials did not fade...they moved right along.
I had cried many tears...but it was time to move on.
My Spirit within, began moving... swishing wildly all about,
I began to realize, I STILL had BLESSINGS....beyond a doubt.

Slowly I moved, slowly was the process.... and each little change.
Slowly I challenged each day...and slowly my life to regain.
Gradually, I accepted the venue... that God placed on this year.
Yes, slowly I began to cherish the good... and erase each tear.

For I learned a long time ago,... my destiny I do not control,
That I just have 'this moment'....and that is my role.
For God hold the 'keys'... to all that comes into my life.
Regardless the joy, the pain...regardless the strife.

So, today, as I look back.... on this past year in time
I am thrilled to 'look forward' ....and leave this one behind. :-D
Again, I hold tight to the joys and treasures, ...each so sweet & dear.
But I've let go of those horrors.... and pray they never re-appear.

But if it IS in God's it sunshine, storms.... or horrific drenching rain
At least I have the experience and I now know... how to start over again
"He Restoreth My Soul"...Guides my path and "He carries me over the stormy sea"
So, I, Thank you, Lord for all your gifts; 2009 vanishes, much to my glee. :-D
Happy New Year, 2010...Let the Good Stuff BEGIN!!
(By: Gloria Helleson, His humbled Child)

May God Bless and bring the greatest of JOY, Health, Successs and Happiness to everyone that I know and love.

"I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord". Psalm 118:17

Friday, December 18, 2009

Christmas Tears...Mingled with Christmas Joy!

Cancer and death at Christmas! Christmas tears...doubles the pain. Christ suffered so shall we.

When you have spent a LIFE time celebrating the Glorious world of Christmas celebrations with the greatest of joy for the awesome American world of massive multicolored lights, dancing candles, radiant evergreens, laughter ringing throughout the air, the homes, at parties, music, music, music filling every crevice, excitement enticing hearts, sweet aromas fill the air, then the plays, pageants, radiant Nativity scenes beaming out the awesome, ancient Story of Christ, down to the lawns covered in portrayals of 'Jolly old Saint Nick' and his prancing reindeer, little green elves and sparkling fairies floating in the air with angels watching over the Christ child-----and suddenly...unmistakeably....DEATH .....walks in.

Life stops! For the moment, Death rules all your world...your kingdom is smashed...your world had vanished! Your brain joins in. Stopped! You cannot move. FROZE. Aimless!

Yet, deep within....comes a tiny voice of whisper..."I am here"

I Corinthians 15:51-55 (my paraphrase)....death: We shall not all sleep...but we shall all be a moment of the twinkling of an eye, at the Last trumpet sound. (death) With that sound, the dead arise...we all will be changed. Death is nature and natural. THEN...we can say "death is SWALLOWED UP .. (gone) by VICTORY (God)---"Oh, death, WHERE is your victory...WHERE is your sting?" (gone-God's erased it)

No more pain! No more worry! No more sorrow! Only Joy! Joy! Joy! Rejoicing...a real Christ-Mass!

This is my tribute to my beloved Brother-in-Law, Nick, and favorite Sister....

I took the picture below one week before he died recently of LUNG CANCER. "Asbestos Poisoning" from one his jobs. On the day of this picture, he was happy, kidding, as best possible...but so weak that I just KNEW that he would not make it through that night. But Thanksgiving was less than a week away and he was determined 'to make it' have that 'last laugh' with his family, his beloved children. And HE DID....but as the oncologist told us in late September when the cancer was found, that he would not live pass December.
He didn't...much to our sorrow.

Nick was very 'accomplished man' by anyone's measures. Born in London, England near Buckingham and like his successful father, who headed the Royal Air Force of Great Britain under the famed Winston Church Hill, my brother-in-law, Nick, also served in the European Royal Air Force of Gr. Britain, became a very accomplished aeronautical engineer as a pilot and in the World Aerobatics Olympics in Budapest/Hungary (speed/tricks/maneuvers). He won the World Pearl Hyde Trophy, and Great Britain's top aerobatic pilot. After winning and receiving a honorary trip to the United States and coming to Central Texas to visit with equally renown pilots, he met and married my sister where he continued to receive numerous honors in his leadership as an engineering instructor, aircraft collector/developer in antique airplane restoration, (his pride & joy was 1919 French Bi-plane), along with building/teaching of experimental air crafts, writing books, for magazines and participating in movies (with Robert Redgrave & others) and air shows all over the world....yet always and ever present was that very dignified, quite and reserved nature with explicit mannerism of royal British etiquette.

And about their "it was love at first sight" thing.... they both told me that neither of them believed that such a thing could happen. But it did....47 years together ....must prove it to be somewhat true. humm. :-D

Yes, death is always so hard to endure...even when you know Heaven is a better place than the junk that takes place down here---tho we love what we got! Nick was a great gentleman of highest of English protocol and good manners....EVEN in death. He set a great example to me in how to TRY to handle the unmanageable stages of death---horrific is a better word, since I am more 'down to earth' ...than his Royal English/British speech patterns.

Nick was an awesomely HANDSOME young man, now he lay humbled, meekly with snow white hair but still very handsome, on his death bed of life, whispering in deep struggles for air, for my coffee. whispering: "Gloria can do it" (I treasure those memories of his last speaking or whispering days, as the ravenous cancer continued to swamp his powerless lungs.) He even tried to joke with me on this we ALL did the same with him, trying to entertain and help him keep his mind off of the issues at hand.
God blessed his weeks of Hospice so very much as he loved his home and had such an awesome view of the world from his gigantic windows and sliding glass doors that displayed a majestic view of the woods, birds, flowers, pets and the radiance of sunshine lathering every area with sparkle. I personally had never paid attention to what an awesome view they encountered daily until Nick was bedridden. Grecian archways, sheer white curtains with touches of light blue drapes, delicate flowers, graceful Grecian statues, white pillar stands with urns of greenery and artistic stepping stones. This particular day the gentle winds seem to wave the small bushes and leaves in musical patterns that seem to mesmerize both me and Nick... as I stood and patted his hand, trying to let him know that we were all there with him and wanting to help ease his devastating weakness. Truly, my sister became a hero as she stood by and tried to handle things that were far beyond her powers, her strength and sometimes wisdom of the moment! Medical pumps, drains, tubes and ports...constant sterilizations: unbelievable world, yet one that many, many dear ones must endure with this horrific disease.

I, so greatly admire her talents and determinations...even though we, like all siblings do not always see things the same-naturally, but I have watched throughout this time with amazement as she gave the best of all that she had to give. She would make up jokes and kid when her eyes spoke more. He tried to respond to her silliness which proved that he was happy. For him this was the perfect way to find his own home....with the last moment.

Yet---like the Bible Scripture above (in Cor. 15)....she ALSO found JOY...and even a wee bit of the last moments prior to the death of her loving husband of 47 years.
(oh where is your nasty sting Mr. Death--forget it---God wins this game!!!!) God's with us.

About 10 minutes BEFORE Nick died....she and their daughter, Alicia, (awesomely beautiful blond model and American Airline hostess for years) decided that "they were going to SING to DADDY''...(to entertain him) And they will be the first to tell you that tho they love to sing that it may NOT be their greatest attributes of life. (My sister, however, is unique in creativity & an awesome artist and writer, tho)

First, my sister, who sings all time--- decided to sing---some of his & her favorites---songs that she sang EVERY evening (prior to Oct. 20th) as they all would go WALKING in the woods or on the little country roads where they live. This was their passion...walking/her singing. So---at Nicks bedside, his last night...she sang and sang. She sang her heart out. "Amazing Grace" "How Great Thou Art", etc. etc. (anything to get through this horror)

Then, daughter, Alicia...grown, but child-like sweetness, heart of gold...loves fairy tales...children books and also loves to sing children songs, ...decided to sing to her dying Daddy...:none other than....the peppy, delightful song of her childhood.... the little...." Teddy Bear Picnic" song. (about the little bear on picnic in the woods)

Sadly however, although they sang their hearts out, trying to entertain Nick---as said, he died only about 10 minutes after they sang to him----

BOTH, my sister and their daughter, Alicia---in greatest of sorrow but also by God's Grace, goodness & wisdom of humor that only He can give....they both humorously decided that "Well, sad to say, we must have killed Daddy with our singing! :-) :-(

(even Nick would have love that one...he had a great sense of humor) :-D

However...The story doesn't really end there ....even tho it was a great 'salve' to help them through their sorrow----to me the best part is below ....and greatest testimony that could ever be given is the 'rest of the story'.

(I am 'back tracking here...bare w/me).....or is it Bear w/me???? :-)
After singing the Teddy Bear song to her dying Daddy....Alicia decided that since her daddy was an airplane pilot (College Professor & World Olympian) that she would PRETEND....a fantasy ride for her Daddy....and soooo, she took Nicks hand and told him that "Well, Daddy, and me are going to TAKE A Ride in an airplane---YOU be the pilot and I am your American Airlines hostess....Now ...are you ready to FLLLLYYYY? You throttle down; now pull that Stick out all the way, Nose up....HERE WE GO now...UP...UP...UP AND AWAY we go.
'Ladies and Gentlemen....We are now at 1,200 feet above sea level, brace yourself but just enjoy the ride.....refreshments will be served momentarily but.....for right now....we are going up, up, higher, higher, higher than ANY of you have ever, ever been. we are above the clouds....oh isn't it beautiful. This is beauty beyond belief. I love it up here with you, Daddy. You are the world's greatest pilot. I am so proud of you. Fly high, Daddy, you are the BEST! Isn't beautiful, Daddy.

Oh, hey, look over there. What it that, Daddy? What is so beautiful over there? What is that? I have never seen anything so beautiful! What is it, Daddy, What is it? Can you tell? Can you see it? Look Daddy! It's so pretty!
The clouds are so pretty around it..the colors are so beautiful..Daddy, can you see, Daddy...oh my....Daddy, I think it must be Heaven! (soft voice..) yes, Daddy, it IS awesomely beautiful........OOOOH, Daadddy.

Then giving a long, long silent pause:......she changed voices to a very STRONG STEWARD ALERT, emergency "I'm in control" voice level...."Oh, I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, we had to make a small detour here----yes, that was a beautiful tour of heaven but...we must return to earth----(pause)....we are now coming back down to earth.
"WE are now ENTERING DFW air entering DFW airport,.... hook your seat belts, stay IN YOUR Seats and.... BRACE for the world's smoothest landing---my Daddy's flying this airplane!"

Then with a chuckle.... in her regular voice...."oooops, I am so sorry Ladies and Gentlemen...there has been another change and unexpected seems that "President GEORGE W. BUSH has priority" landing and will be landing before us. Sorry for the delay!"

She laughs...(not knowing just HOW to get out of this fantasy flight to Heaven) she chuckles again and begins...making sounds like the airplane is going around and around in circles above DFW....and watches her Daddy's sweetest reactions....

*****Nick Pocock smiled his last little smile for his beloved daughter Alicia...
ten minutes later he entered the Real gates of Heaven....

Christmas tears....also bring Christmas JOYS! Merry Christmas, for He is the Reason for the Season