Springtime is so refreshing for most of us. Easter is such a joy. For Christians it is truly the Most IMPORTANT and Holiest of our Celebrations, as we remember ... Honor/Glorify our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
But carnally---Easter is also a blast of fun for kids...parents. grandparents (& adults who are kids at heart).... with the traditional Egg hunts, baby animals...everything symbolic of honoring the New Life through Christ...the colors of flowers...the eggs...and kids smeared with the egg dye. Oh and the picnics and EGG hunts...the baskets/bags, giggling and laughing. So, although Autumn is my favorite time of the years...good old SPRINGTIME is right in there in the close running. ha ha
But Easter is also a time when we are taught to REFLECT, remember...and since Easter 1995 has had an even deeper meaning...in it's reflections to me and my life.
Yes, I choose to worship via the Baptist denominations....as a Christian...yet I have learned so many awesome things and respect....in and through OTHER Christian believers/denominations as well.
In 1995, I had my first bout with cancer and deadly staff infection that destroyed my immune system. But also God chose to have me complete my education thru Southwestern Theological Seminary as a female chaplain.
Needless to say....ALSO during this period of time...I was forced to go through some REALLY awful, carnal JUNK that could have (and almost did) destroyed my life. (have I not heard it said that 'Life is unfair??? ha ha How true! How Awful...) At the time I thought....er...thought it couldn't get any worse! ha ha (lesson learned...never say that....cause it certainly can....and did)
However, at that time in my life...in the name of Christianity...LoL "I was also UNFairly nailed to a cross". Unfortunately...I didn't die...though I wanted to. My world crumbled in a jillion directions. I couldn't understand a million things. I was betrayed by dear, dear friends. I prayed a jillion prayers. Although I had numerous 'companions' around every day....I WAS ALONE.
I stuck to... and stayed 'the course'. Yet, all I WANTED to do...was vanish. Crawl into a fetal position and 'tell the world...so long, Charlie. I am Outta Here. "Take this job and shove it....take this life...period.
THEN came; my Easter....my walk of Emmaus....7 miles from Jerusalem!
In the book of Dr. Luke in the Bible....Chptr. 24:13-35 is the story (Easter Sunday) of the broken hearted disciples of Jesus...walking along together....brokenhearted..., upset, angry...troubled in their darkness...alone with their sorrow.
They'd been to the tomb...they expected to see JESUS, their master/friend just as he told them on Thursday night---the women had just told them that morning that the tomb was empty....so that meant Jesus was not there...something awesome/different REALLY did happen---just like Jesus had said it would....but walla, walla----there was simply...no Jesus to be SEEN anywhere. Just that SAD, long dusty, dirty lonely Emmaus Road lay before them. They felt totally Hopeless, dispare, rejected, dejected and alone.
The disciples were so deep in THEIR own sorrow, (as you read their story)....they failed to actually SEE Jesus when he was walking along with them on their sorrowful 7 mile journey.
I was just like this during my own hours of darkness above...almost 2 years. Broken, deepest sorrow, confused, seeking answers of where there were none; only MORE troubles to follow, one after another...some worse than the previous...all a stack of misery with a bright red ribbon with my name on it.
Yes, I prayed constantly through my situations that constantly GREW bigger and worse...because Satan also is alive and well doing his job...to steal, kill & destroy...and I was one of his favorite choices at that moment.
He did not want me in chaplaincy work. He did not want me succeeding in 'helping broken kids'...but I did anyway---not because of me---but because JESUS/GOD really WAS THERE THE WHOLE TIME...WALKING RIGHT BESIDE ME. Like the disciples...I too, had a vision problem.
FORTUNATELY....even though I was CLOSER to God than in most of my previous years and believe me...by HIS goodness and grace.... I had already been blessed beyond words, with awesome Christian experiences MANY, MANY times...& repeatedly, I was personally USED by God to reach and help so many, many other people prior to this period of time; I was even part of MIRACLES, AWESOME.... UNBELIEVABLE MIRACLES...and yet....at that time..
-...I had a problem accepting help when I was the one in need.
I simply 'couldn't see through the..... darkness'. UNTIL.....
Most ironically...the UNveiling...came for me...when I stepped OUT of my comfort zone...stepped beyond 'my regular people. I joined TOTAL STRANGERS....Christians of another walk---a walk/retreat/conference called simply.... "The Emmaus Walk".
There I,---timid...to a point...not my nature---began to humbly fold.. (or maybe it was UNfold???).......listen to 'His still quiet voice.....then suddenly heard the world's most beautiful praise songs and music...and saw this.... gigantic wooden knarled cross at the front of the auditorium...
I once again followed my heart...not caring WHAT those strangers would say, think or do....I silently went down to the cross and knelt...constantly praising/praying, slowly, I quietly slid prostrate beneath and in front His cross...tears mixed with words...unknown silence...yet almost deafening roar to my ears(hard to explain) and as always before...when I had turned totally to HIM.... my heart was ripping right out of my chest as awesome music captured every part of my inner being and my soul... (it was truly, as the song says... "I Surrender ALL")
Many others followed my lead that night...but that was NOT my purpose...just anothere of God's richest blessings! Many shared later...that my example that night (or failures) had moved them to the greatest event of their life. (we all walk down rough roads like Emmaus...we all have secret hurts, compartments & departments that only God see or can reach.)
All at once that night-----I KNEW PEACE...I gave FORGIVENESS as never before....I received it for my bitterness; my confusion evaporated and like the disciples that Sunday (Sabbath) night on the road to Emmaus...then in Jerusalem----I was no longer blind, no longer in the darkness of my own sorrow, my own brokenness, my own UNforgiveness. IT SIMPLY DID NOT MATTER ANY MORE.
I too...remembered! I was never alone the whole time. He WAS there...He had BEEN there the whole time!!!.
My 7 mile journey to Jerusalem was going to be okay. Like the disciples...finally, I saw & REMEMBERED... that Jesus was standing with me that Saturday night (Sabbath) and everyday.
Shortly AFTER the above event...God blest and placed me in the most awesome leadership position of starting a brand new ministry for the Baptist in Texas. ...to be the first to virtually OPEN up the youth prisons of Texas to Bible Study, worship, crusades and saving souls for Christ in 15 youth prisons. This had NEVER been allowed. Today there are 1000's of Protestant Christian ministries behind the wall/wire of youth prisons. Hooray.
God chose to give me the honor of being His commissioned Missionary whereby we named our ministry...New Life....and then "His Kids, too"---both ministries have awesome successes and purposes...through Christ...SALVATIONS and changed lives and lifestyles.
(oh yes, I have to add...to the Glory of God, because He gave it ....due to the above work in these two ministries for the State of Texas....and Out over 1600 wonderful volunteers, many doctors and professionals....I was chosen and named "Texas Volunteer of the Year"....and IF YOU know politics very well... then you KNOW that is a miracle of God! LOL but so true!!! Through God and lots of hard work, my life was blested through recruiting and training over 200 Christians from all denominations to become leaders in the youth prisons of Texas.
Yes, Satan is still alive & well....and he will constantly try to kill, steal & destory....esp. Christians...that's his job and he is never in the 'unemployment line'. (but only til Jesus comes tho yea!)
BUT.more importantly...GOD ALMIGHTY is also right beside us when we are hit....or we make dumb choices...even when we have our Bible in our hands...praying and sometimes yet, we still only see darkness---
He holds us...hears us...helps us--even when we are walking blindly 'down that lonely, Emmaus road of dust, dirt, confusion and brokenness.
HE IS THERE! He erases the darkness. He is "THEE LIGHT".
But carnally---Easter is also a blast of fun for kids...parents. grandparents (& adults who are kids at heart).... with the traditional Egg hunts, baby animals...everything symbolic of honoring the New Life through Christ...the colors of flowers...the eggs...and kids smeared with the egg dye. Oh and the picnics and EGG hunts...the baskets/bags, giggling and laughing. So, although Autumn is my favorite time of the years...good old SPRINGTIME is right in there in the close running. ha ha
But Easter is also a time when we are taught to REFLECT, remember...and since Easter 1995 has had an even deeper meaning...in it's reflections to me and my life.
Yes, I choose to worship via the Baptist denominations....as a Christian...yet I have learned so many awesome things and respect....in and through OTHER Christian believers/denominations as well.
In 1995, I had my first bout with cancer and deadly staff infection that destroyed my immune system. But also God chose to have me complete my education thru Southwestern Theological Seminary as a female chaplain.
Needless to say....ALSO during this period of time...I was forced to go through some REALLY awful, carnal JUNK that could have (and almost did) destroyed my life. (have I not heard it said that 'Life is unfair??? ha ha How true! How Awful...) At the time I thought....er...thought it couldn't get any worse! ha ha (lesson learned...never say that....cause it certainly can....and did)
However, at that time in my life...in the name of Christianity...LoL "I was also UNFairly nailed to a cross". Unfortunately...I didn't die...though I wanted to. My world crumbled in a jillion directions. I couldn't understand a million things. I was betrayed by dear, dear friends. I prayed a jillion prayers. Although I had numerous 'companions' around every day....I WAS ALONE.
I stuck to... and stayed 'the course'. Yet, all I WANTED to do...was vanish. Crawl into a fetal position and 'tell the world...so long, Charlie. I am Outta Here. "Take this job and shove it....take this life...period.
THEN came; my Easter....my walk of Emmaus....7 miles from Jerusalem!
In the book of Dr. Luke in the Bible....Chptr. 24:13-35 is the story (Easter Sunday) of the broken hearted disciples of Jesus...walking along together....brokenhearted..., upset, angry...troubled in their darkness...alone with their sorrow.
They'd been to the tomb...they expected to see JESUS, their master/friend just as he told them on Thursday night---the women had just told them that morning that the tomb was empty....so that meant Jesus was not there...something awesome/different REALLY did happen---just like Jesus had said it would....but walla, walla----there was simply...no Jesus to be SEEN anywhere. Just that SAD, long dusty, dirty lonely Emmaus Road lay before them. They felt totally Hopeless, dispare, rejected, dejected and alone.
The disciples were so deep in THEIR own sorrow, (as you read their story)....they failed to actually SEE Jesus when he was walking along with them on their sorrowful 7 mile journey.
I was just like this during my own hours of darkness above...almost 2 years. Broken, deepest sorrow, confused, seeking answers of where there were none; only MORE troubles to follow, one after another...some worse than the previous...all a stack of misery with a bright red ribbon with my name on it.
Yes, I prayed constantly through my situations that constantly GREW bigger and worse...because Satan also is alive and well doing his job...to steal, kill & destroy...and I was one of his favorite choices at that moment.
He did not want me in chaplaincy work. He did not want me succeeding in 'helping broken kids'...but I did anyway---not because of me---but because JESUS/GOD really WAS THERE THE WHOLE TIME...WALKING RIGHT BESIDE ME. Like the disciples...I too, had a vision problem.
FORTUNATELY....even though I was CLOSER to God than in most of my previous years and believe me...by HIS goodness and grace.... I had already been blessed beyond words, with awesome Christian experiences MANY, MANY times...& repeatedly, I was personally USED by God to reach and help so many, many other people prior to this period of time; I was even part of MIRACLES, AWESOME.... UNBELIEVABLE MIRACLES...and yet....at that time..
-...I had a problem accepting help when I was the one in need.
I simply 'couldn't see through the..... darkness'. UNTIL.....
Most ironically...the UNveiling...came for me...when I stepped OUT of my comfort zone...stepped beyond 'my regular people. I joined TOTAL STRANGERS....Christians of another walk---a walk/retreat/conference called simply.... "The Emmaus Walk".
There I,---timid...to a point...not my nature---began to humbly fold.. (or maybe it was UNfold???).......listen to 'His still quiet voice.....then suddenly heard the world's most beautiful praise songs and music...and saw this.... gigantic wooden knarled cross at the front of the auditorium...
I once again followed my heart...not caring WHAT those strangers would say, think or do....I silently went down to the cross and knelt...constantly praising/praying, slowly, I quietly slid prostrate beneath and in front His cross...tears mixed with words...unknown silence...yet almost deafening roar to my ears(hard to explain) and as always before...when I had turned totally to HIM.... my heart was ripping right out of my chest as awesome music captured every part of my inner being and my soul... (it was truly, as the song says... "I Surrender ALL")
Many others followed my lead that night...but that was NOT my purpose...just anothere of God's richest blessings! Many shared later...that my example that night (or failures) had moved them to the greatest event of their life. (we all walk down rough roads like Emmaus...we all have secret hurts, compartments & departments that only God see or can reach.)
All at once that night-----I KNEW PEACE...I gave FORGIVENESS as never before....I received it for my bitterness; my confusion evaporated and like the disciples that Sunday (Sabbath) night on the road to Emmaus...then in Jerusalem----I was no longer blind, no longer in the darkness of my own sorrow, my own brokenness, my own UNforgiveness. IT SIMPLY DID NOT MATTER ANY MORE.
I too...remembered! I was never alone the whole time. He WAS there...He had BEEN there the whole time!!!.
My 7 mile journey to Jerusalem was going to be okay. Like the disciples...finally, I saw & REMEMBERED... that Jesus was standing with me that Saturday night (Sabbath) and everyday.
Shortly AFTER the above event...God blest and placed me in the most awesome leadership position of starting a brand new ministry for the Baptist in Texas. ...to be the first to virtually OPEN up the youth prisons of Texas to Bible Study, worship, crusades and saving souls for Christ in 15 youth prisons. This had NEVER been allowed. Today there are 1000's of Protestant Christian ministries behind the wall/wire of youth prisons. Hooray.
God chose to give me the honor of being His commissioned Missionary whereby we named our ministry...New Life....and then "His Kids, too"---both ministries have awesome successes and purposes...through Christ...SALVATIONS and changed lives and lifestyles.
(oh yes, I have to add...to the Glory of God, because He gave it ....due to the above work in these two ministries for the State of Texas....and Out over 1600 wonderful volunteers, many doctors and professionals....I was chosen and named "Texas Volunteer of the Year"....and IF YOU know politics very well... then you KNOW that is a miracle of God! LOL but so true!!! Through God and lots of hard work, my life was blested through recruiting and training over 200 Christians from all denominations to become leaders in the youth prisons of Texas.
Yes, Satan is still alive & well....and he will constantly try to kill, steal & destory....esp. Christians...that's his job and he is never in the 'unemployment line'. (but only til Jesus comes tho yea!)
BUT.more importantly...GOD ALMIGHTY is also right beside us when we are hit....or we make dumb choices...even when we have our Bible in our hands...praying and sometimes yet, we still only see darkness---
He holds us...hears us...helps us--even when we are walking blindly 'down that lonely, Emmaus road of dust, dirt, confusion and brokenness.
HE IS THERE! He erases the darkness. He is "THEE LIGHT".
2 comments:
Just stoppin by, saw you had a blog up and going per Panda's comments- How do you get all those fonts and colors?
THis was such a great post and I LOVE your beautiful picture!! ; )
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