"Fear Not!"..... or.....Fear a Lot??? ha ha

Our Bible tells us all, very plainly.... in the Old and the New Testament....365 times (one for each day of the year)----to .....FEAR NOT!

And the words apply very well for me...about death that is....I don't fear it....I just fear the PROCESS of GETTING THERE! (can you identify...hummm?) :-D
I just don't want any part of----Pain, suffering and mind boggling FEAR!
Please, Lord, forgive me for being Mortal!

Fear not........nope......I FEAR A LOT!!!

When a person is hurting severely....you CAN have comfort in KNOWING that our God is there with you---but it doesn't always remove the pain. It does not remove death. We all die. We all will go through some suffering, some more than others.

Today---I fear not death----I fear life!

Today---I prepare my mindset for MORE new surgery! Very, Very Painful surgery that I have already WITNESSED to the very fullest of pain and suffering to a very HEALTHY person, my hubby. Four years ago he had BOTH of his knees replaced at the same time! A medical improbability for his size and age. A medical miracle because of God's science, medicines and His awesome COVERING via awesome prayer partners.

Yet...in this process...I witnessed FULLY...as a giant man shook in RIGORS with pain and suffering as he awoke from surgery---six days unable to STAND. This giant of man, muscles taunt, shriveled up like a little mouse in pain, shaking from head to foot---with pain. Later that second evening, I watched with a frozen heart, petrifide in fear as both of this mans legs SPRAYED his hospital room BLOOD RED. Yes, spraying like a lawn sprayer. All STAT floor call went out for our room---the head on-call doctor ran in our door....sees the scene----TURNS GREEN---runs down the hall.

Thinking back---its somewhat funny---at the time, HORRIFIC! That handsome young doctor was one scared/shocked young man! But we had an AWESOME set of very experienced nursing staff that immediately TOOK charge as best possible.

Equally important to say....just outside the door of our room was some of dearest friends from our church that had stopped by 'just to check on us"...she step to the door...saw what was happening...because the room was chaos and RED---I motioned for her to use her cell phone & start a SPECIAL EMERGENCY PRAYER CHAIN for Jim . We do this constantly---just never thought it would be ME asking for the prayer chain! Within seconds....our church, the Waco Baptist Association of Churches and my Baylor Sr. Choir prayer chains were praying. Thank God....Praise God for the 'Power of Prayer!!!".

And...As the Doctors later stated----'we don 't know WHY the bleeding STARTED....but we have to admit we DO KNOW WHY it stopped....and it wasn't a medical miracle...there was a GREATER Source for this one!

Now when doctors say things like that----it's mighty neat & emphatically true!

Prayers were answered, the bleeding finally stopped----transfusions were then begun, horrible hallucinations began and hubby became mentally confused/fighting tubes/equipment---scared and hurting. I HAD to stand holding his arms---holding his transfusion tubes from 7:30 pm until 4 AM because he was delirious. At midnight, the sweet nurse kept checking and worrying about me standing constantly with the tubes---but if I didn't hold them---he would JERK them out and stop his own new blood replacement that was so greatly needed. Anyway, around midnight the nurse decided to TRY to speed up his transfusion. It worked ok until about 1:30 when he went into cardiac arrest due to the blood coming in too fast for the heart to manage. Then...another All Stat call went out for our room. Again, God was there. His people were there.

Yes, praise God for His miracles/touch/medicines and awesome servants, my hubby finally stood 6 days later and walked 30 steps of VICTORY... after completing 2 different rehabs...he/we received a NEW LIFE.... NEW HEALTH. We have been soooo blessed! Our God and His people are so good!

BUUUUUT-----where does that leave me today----as now I AM FACING THAT SAME SURGERY ON MAY 20TH. Scared silly. He was in greatest health. I am still battling cancer. trials..(twice over) and last one was stage 5 (death sentence)---but God gave me LIFE...via prayer warriors. Today, I have tons of left over health problems, heavy drugs, broken immune system from hospital staff infection that nearly took my life...diabetes, occasional dizziness/damage from having a chemical filled balloon placed inside my body for 8 days followed by having 6 months of radiation treatments done in 5 days ,,,of 2 & 3 treatments per day--12 MRI's of more lengthy radiation--prior to each treatment--to see how my heart and the rest of my body was reacting to the experimental treatments. Not to mention a total of 8 cutting surgeries for the two cancers. (one cutting Before the Novocain had taken effect. arrrg!) Add on a minor ...ha ha.... Sleep Apnea that requires a breathing c-pap machine when the heart stops beating from no oxygen. etc,etc. etc. yatta yatta---- :-D

So, am I really all that sinful....if I honestly say----'YES, I FEAR! .....

I FEAR A LOT''

Again---death is not a problem-----IF my Lord has a 'Heavenly CRUISE ready to sail across that ocean of blue-----believe me----my bags are already packed. I worry for my beloved hubby.

But for the pain ahead of me----I just need YOU.....my prayer partners, friends and family to PRAY for my PAIN and fears, recovery, success and strength. (my hubby ONLY had the fear of the unknown---I have that fear PLUS the fear of WHAT I HAVE ALREADY SEEN/I KNOW from watching him go through it (ha ha... ) ...can ya see I'm TRYING to have a good sense of humor here??? ha

So, again, if you have PRAYER CHAINS....please, would you be so kind and add my name to that listing. I thank you most humbly for all of your past prayers ....(that remains to be the very reason that I AM still ALIVE TODAY). I am humbled and I am grateful, I thank you!So...Lord....Here we go again---"I need THEE every hour....every hour I need Thee".