Since we lived far, far out into the rural country side...like most of my peers at school...each Saturday was the day to "go to town". It was the time in life where you SAW extraordinary people...different from your own...and Momma would often say, "There...but for the Grace of God' go you or me"........ (meaning, don't stare, just count your blessings, regardless how small).
Back then...TOWN was a city of about 80,000. There were NO malls or shopping centers ...no Walmarts, K-marts or Targets. Just the town Square around the courthouse and the MAIN DRAG/street. IT WAS PACKED with people every Saturday. Body to body in so many places. All people shopped on Saturday and worked during the weekdays. Saturday was a true celebration...filled with excitement for all of us kids....especially in summer time...when most of us got to 'go to the movies'. (oh... smell of popcorn, dill pickles...even ice cream vendors...hummmm)
These things always gave us kids.... great things to 'talk about' back at school with our classmates---who were more like our brothers and sisters...because we all started to school together and went 12 years through school together and actually graduated together...as a family! A different world completely from todays.
The County Courthouse SQUARE was the center of everything every Saturday because it lead up to the MAIN street of the city. The north side of the Square was for the Whites...it was quiet and nicely decorated.
But all four sides of the Square were totally different from each other.
. Whites, blacks, Mexicans and 'mixture cultures.........
The east side was 'just for the negoes'. The west side, Mexicans and the south was a 'dukes mixture of everything!
The black side had eye catching women who often... dressed in very naughty clothes....pranced back and forth on the black side of the square along with.... some of the adjacent back streets where we used to go and buy 'farmers gasoline/coal oil etc. by the barrel'....or....to sell our own home made...tanned Leather to the Saddle factory. humm (now that's a smell you won't forget...salt/leather) :)
Most of the blacks were dressed very flashy...Saturdays best....renown as always very, very loud and....seemed very happy to my childish eyes and ears. But there were always 100's of black children screaming, laughing and having a great time together....they always looked at me strangely from the distance....and I did the same of them. We were sooo opposite. I was almost albino blonde hair and skin and all I was totally amazed at their lips and how big and white their eyes were in their shiny oily black skin. And their stares proved that they wondered equally as much about my strangeness of 'no color'.
But above all....treats, movies, popcorn,....Everyone ....loved to go the Woolsworth five and dime Soda Fountain. Blacks had to sit on the far end...Mexican sat next to them...and whites sat up front next to the front show windows. That was the simple-but SAD... socially acceptable culture of the time.
Very often...it was so packed ...that whites HAD to sit close to the black section...if they wanted a soda. It was during these times that I would try to smile at the negro kids and be friendly.... but most often their mothers would jerk their hands quickly to make them not look at me. Again, a sad part of American culture at the time. There were times when black parents weren't always around...too many kids to watch...and yes, I would love talking to the black kids about toys that were low enough on the counter for us to touch and play with. They loved it as much as I did!
But I still loved going to town and to the soda fountain and the movies. It was so exciting to be packed in the crowds of people....sometimes. Sometimes is was so packed and pushy that is was very scarey. Many times the crowd would sort of push me away from Momma's hand...stretched and I'd get that scarey feeling...and suddenly be 'looking straight into the eyes of another kid my size....eyes dialated...looking just as scared as I was!
But my mother constantly told me to never let go of her hand---which she didn't have to tell me---I was often so afraid of being LOST in the crowd...I hung on for dear life...because if you didn't...especially at Christmas...the crowd would pull kids away from their mothers, brothers, sisters. (I always felt sorry for families that had all their kids holding hands together and the baby...who was always on the 'tail end' would get pulled away by the crowd. SCAREY... I learned early never to let go of my Mothers or brothers hands...EVER!
Now the west side of the square was the MOST EXCITING....the Mexican's. Wow!
It SEEMED the most exciting of all...and certainly the MOST COLORFUL. So Inviting to my childish mind. Wow, that Mexican music was played so loud that the concrete walkways vibrated with each beat of the wonderful music. Men dressed in large black hats that had the cute fur balls that hung around the edge played trumpets and guitars. They had lots of silver ....belts and the tips of the boots. I loved fast musical beat of the music and equally as much when the music was a sad, lonely song...in a language that sound so beautiful to me as a child. It filled the air. It filled my heart.
THE SMELLS....all around the square---were awesome! Wow, how different! Each side of the square had it's own unique smells that drifted across the beautiful green courthouse lawn...where we often sat or parked our pickup and waited for my Daddy to return from buying farm and ranch supplies....and his TALKING to every human this side of MARS... HA HA (I vowed to Mom that I sure didn't want to marry a talker like Daddy...and guess what...I married his twin brother or reincarnated duplicate. ha ha)
The whites...north side of the square...had smells of yummy hamburgers, french fries and chicken fried steaks....and hot bread.
The blacks side of the square smells of 'Blue Waltz' perfume...sort of like fading roses but very, very strong. The smell of meats and some kind of sausage drifts freely.
And the Mexican side was awesome...chili smell, spices, onion, peppers...sausage, fresh meat, flowers...popcorn from their Mexican/black theatre (picture show) where whites never went.
No whites even walked on the walks on either of the two opposite sides of the square.
It was during these wonderful childhood days of 'going to TOWN' that my Mother taught me COMPASSION. (I thank God constantly for this...especially in our world today.) On these trips to town....I was first exposed to all cultures...and DEARLY....loved our differences!
This was where I first SAW pitiful people in 'wheelchairs', a man with no legs from the WW I begging each day, a blind man playing an old beat up accordion, mentally retarded and deformed children with MD and MS or crippling polio. These diseases...were truly sooo horrible with little to no medicine to help back then. There often was no place for mentally retarded children, just very tired/stressed parents trying their best to do whatever had to be done for their family and that person. There were always plenty of unusual sights for a childs eyes to stare upon in curiosity and wonder.
It was there that I first saw...tried to give my childish stare of curiosity....where I saw...
Mommys and Daddy's carrying very large retarded children...just to shop. So sad.
There was the young very crippled man who played the guitar and sang beautiful songs. I dearly loved to stand and listen to his music. Momma would almost have to drag me away...but she loved it to. There were always two or three 'pencil' sellers and trinkets and balloon sellers sitting on the curbs with tin cans for coins.
But most importantly.....this was the time in my life that my Mother taught me the keep saying to myself... the old adage...."There....but for the Grace (goodness) of God...go I''
We COULD BE any one of the above persons...suffering....having to endure. Thus ALL OF MY ADULT life....I have always THOUGHT of my Mothers precious words. Repeatedly!!! The phrase RINGS loud and clear when I enter a prison unit to teach Bible Study...it rings loudly when we go to the ''homeless shelter and their Sunday church service under the Interstate Highway...it rings when I give a bag of clothes or furniture to the charities or work at our CRISIS center sorting clothes, stacking canned goods, stomping bugs that infest in these situations. The phrase reasonates my soul when I go to a hospital room or visit someone on hospice and the funeral homes....or just seeing a ragged looked person, young or old, walking brokenly down the street==these are the ones that get my immediate and most sincere prayer for God to reveal His hand to them. There are a jillion things that make me remember Momma's simple little phrase of compassion and wisdom.
Due to the above---also---during my childhood....at my church....I always felt that God Himself MADE me different... Or at least different from the kids that attended our church on regular basis. I always felt that God talked to me...at home...on the back of my horse....or just walking with my dogs and cats in the woods. I felt CALLed and Special but I couldn't talk about it. (don't get me wrong...I enjoyed the other good kids...loved them in fact...but just knew that I didn't want to be totally like them...in the way they acted towards God)
YET... YET...so important....at the church was 3 evil girls that were 3 and 4 years older than me...who were ugly...bullies, mean and rotten----YET ALWAYS in the church everytime that the church doors were open! I lived on a ranch...many times we worked...had to/necessity...on Sunday...(Livestock don't take Sunday off ...from water and food ) so naturally...I...we could not ATTEND church all the time. (but I KNEW God's love and my heart was HIS....and it took me a year to have the courage to walk to the front of the church and tell it publicly...long before these 3 sad examples chose to make me their scapegoat.
These 3 older...girls constantly...in front of other kids...would make fun of me....SAY horrible stuff...mainly being 'You're GOING TO HELL' cause you don't go to church ever Sunday!" (grrr....to a little child...this is very hurtful/ugly/mean)
This hurt me deeply as a little girl. wrongly.
However, after I became a Teenager...popular and they were hated...I began to realize that THEY were so darn green eyed jealous of me, my family ranch/$$$...which was well known...that 'attending church'...was the ONLY way that they could cut my heart out, which they joyfully did.
But all during those years...God MADE me KNOW that HE had something Special for me! I really didn't know WHAT but just that it would be different from them. And Praise HIM...He did ....because My Mother had taught me COMPASSION...CARING for others. (He was King of Her heart...even in her own quiet way)
HE caused me to 'feel different' from the 'churchie kids' of my childhood. I just knew in my heart that I NEVER wanted to act like they did. (which I might add ...while they were in high school....these 3 girls would play hookie from school...go to downtown stores...pack their pockets with stolen earrings, bracelets, nail polish and lipstick and bring their LOOT on the school bus each afternoon...bragging and laughing about 'how they GOT by with it.' (and these were the peers that I WAS SUPPOSE TO LOOK UP TO.....not!!!!!!!!)
YESTERDAY...now as an adult....all the above situations RE-AROSE to me.
I had a luncheon and meeting that I was required to attend at one of the largest churches in our 'city'...ha ha As a missionary and consultant supervisor for our Central Texas area ...I was called by the regional director to 'please arrange to pick up this little old lady....and take her to the meeting...that was honoring all the elderly retired pastors and missionaries.
Super! I dearly love doing stuff like this. I went to the address---a very sad looking little white frame house in one of the very poorest side of town. (it was ONCE the top spot after World War II...when the VA built little 2 bedroom houses.) But now the whole area is so sad. Every home begs for care....for money...for help.
I had never met the lady...but she had attended a previous meeting with a retired Baylor professor---who was unable to attend yesterday.
So...I arrive...expecting an elderly lady but not really knowing the circumstances....just doing what God & Momma taught me to love to do....and loving every sunshiney moment of it all.
The old screen door of the house was barely hanging...holes in the screen...barely able to open due to the aging and shifting of the old house. Out hobbles an elderly ...bent in half...little gray hair lady. Instantly...her SMILE...told me that I was exactly where God wanted me to be at this moment.
Just like the child that I once was....my eyes rapidly raced up and down in curiosity of this little joyful bundle. First words from her mouth "Praise the Lord'....you made it!
The next 3 hours of my life...I was to hear that phrase...probably close to a 100 times.
(Yes...surely even our Lord....may occasionally 'get a wee bit tired of our repeated words and plea's....ha ha )
And yes, she certainly was aged...having some patterns of "mental disengagements' ha ha But she was so excited to 'be going to visit her old 'angel friends' of the past 52 years...I was thrillled to be helping her. She just 'couldn't wait to see EVER-Body...her old Angel friends".
Her attire: Certainly not what you see at 'church meetings'. hummm (msg from God here)
A very BRIGHT orange t-shirt....the front was quite stained and could have used a good dose of TIDE ...or even a bar of hand soap. (it might have even taken a little more' than Shouting it out---in some places) hummm they'd been there for a while.
It was a hot day. She had on a very heavy light Blue FLEECE with the furry texture....Christmas jacket. (bless her heart...this is almost June in Central Texas).
Shoes: soft little house slippers....very worn...over to the side...but obviously 'her favorite'....and at the age of 83....that should certainly be her pleasure. chuckle....
CONVERSATION: Never ENDING... ha ha....and every 3rd sentence....'Praise the Lord!"
We only had to drive about 8 miles to the church....and in that period of time, I joyfully heard her LIFE STORY. Her husband was miraculously HEALED from a Birth defect of a humped back... by Oral Roberts healing service....GOD...INSTANTLY allowed him at age 34 to stand straight up....where he went straight to the PULPIT to preach for the rest of his days. He passed away a number of years ago...but they built a mission church together...where she still attends...52 years later...as the only one of 3 whites in the middle of 100's of blacks. I was told over and over how they prayed over the DIRT ground of their church....so obviously 'that too was one of God's answered of prayers and miracles...because it was in the poorest side of town even back then.
But great....Compassion, amuzement and pleasure filled my ride. (and yes, my carnal side was whispering in my ear....what are all the CHURCH people at this meeting going say/think or react??? You know all those PERFECT pastors, missionaries who dress up for this special luncheon...because they too...don't get a lot of recognition or outings in life.....
Oh, I forgot to mention...she could barely walk...I had to 1/2 carry her...to my car...to the church fellowship hall---all the time listening to endless chatter and 'Praise the Lord', Praise, the Lord, Praise the Lord' ha ha
Anyway----as most of you who already KNOW of this type of situation----these 'were NOT good signs' for 'social graces'. Most of my 'blog-reading friends' have also already been in situations similar to these....and 'ya gotta do what ya gotta do.... ha ha
Well, with great effort, work and care.....I got her INTO the fellowship hall. She sees a really fancy piano keyboard. Wow, she wants to PLAY the keyboard for the CROWD. ...and starts SINGING quite loudly...her old favorites...where we are at the very FRONT of the room and stage area. By this time the whole room is focused on us....total silence....we re 'front and center'....and that KEYBOARD still looks so inviting to her...........
er...er...er....'No, Wiladean, honey....let's go get us a favorite chair...I think they ALREADY have a 'special program.... already set up for you to enjoy....to be honored."
(and the name Wil-a-dean....really did seem fitting, tho I'd never heard of it before.)
Well...EXCITEMENT sets in...even greater for WILADEAN... HER VOICE gets loud----loud---louder! (a number of the attendees already knew Wiladean....and I noticed they began to 'move away' from where she chose for us to sit.) including our wonderful guest speaker...an awesome pastor~~~~~~~~~~
In turn, I began to get these sweet...but pitiful...little smiles from my associates. Occasionally, one or another would hug me....and say...'bless you'...God Bless you.... One delightful retired missionary that is so beautiful even in her late years...90 +....whispered, "Honey, I have always loved watching you...but you gotta be an angel." Puzzled to a degree I stupidly as 'why". "because only an angel can endure that situation''. With a warm hug, she fluttered away.
Bitter=sweet...is the word. (we are not all blessed in the same manner in life)...the handicapped people of my childhood....not the Senior adult people.... pastors and missionaries. Again, bitter-sweet lesson for me try to remember.
We all continue our most pleasant luncheon treat....the banquet tables were decorated so beautifully, in soft pastel tablecloths of lavender, light yellow, pink & mint green. Tiny pots of artificial flowers....and BIRD houses were the centerpieces.
The Birdhouse....caught Wiladeans eye! Tho she could barely stand up, alone...she felt the need to examine,,...the birdhouses. (visualize it yourself...people are already seated...ready for the wonderful special meal...they have waited for weeks for this special event...and sweet Wildadean who litterly will NOT quit talking and Praising the Lord...feels the need to touch each leaf of greenry, each house and flower pot....all the time chatting...as if to herself...about 'all the wonderful times we had a church going up to LATHAM SPRINGS CAMP...and they cleaned out their garages and used FRUIT JARS to sell to make money for the long wonderful camp. Ya know the PREACHERS really knew how to really preach the Gospel back then. (she is sitting in the mist of about 20 preachers......
" On and on...most of the time with HER EYES CLOSED...smiling the biggest and brightest smile anyone could ever ask for....but every 3 sentence..."Praise the Lord"...hummmm "Praise the Lord"
Well---YOU get the idea....and for the sake of time...You see this overall situation....which finally brings me to my concluding and dearest phrase....taught so long ago...but renders so beautifully right now.... ...."THERE...but for the Grace of God....go you or I "
So truly with great compassionate...yet humorous way...it is just life....even tho...
I was deeply disappointed by some of my more 'able minded' pastorial friends...but I would not change the things that happened to me or..........for my humbling walk yesterday.
I thank God...that He would allow me to chuckle and truly tell Him....
"Praise the Lord"....there but for YOUR Grace and goodness...go I.
Have a great day, today and everyday! Laugh a lot.
